"I don't mop up for anybody."

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Rick Reilly: The Weak Shall Inherit the Gym

I drove by an elementary school during recess the other day and it seriously looked like the kids were human statues. Disgusting. It got me thinking about one of my favorite articles of all time:

The Weak Shall Inherit the Gym, by: Rick Reilly.

Not to alarm you, but America is going softer than left-out butter. Exhibit 9,137: Schools have started banning dodgeball.

I kid you not. Dodgeball has been outlawed by some school districts in New York, Texas, Utah and Virginia. Many more are thinking about it, like Cecil County, Md., where the school board wants to ban any game with "human targets." Personally, I wish all these people would go suck their Birkenstocks.

Human targets? What's tag? What's a snowball fight? What's a close play at second? Neil Williams, a physical education professor at Eastern Connecticut State, says dodgeball has to go because it "encourages the best to pick on the weak." Noooo! You mean there's weak in the world? There's strong? Of course there is, and dodgeball is one of the first opportunities in life to figure out which one you are and how you're going to deal with it.

We had a bully, Big Joe, in our seventh grade. Must have weighed 225 pounds, used to take your underwear while you were in the shower and parade around the locker room twirling it on his finger. We also had a kid named Melvin, who was so thin we could've faxed him from class to class. I'll never forget the dodgeball game in which Big Joe had a ball in each hand and one sandwiched between his knees, firing at our side like a human tennis-ball machine, when, all of a sudden, he got plunked right in his 7-Eleven-sized butt. Joe whirled around to see who'd done it and saw that it was none other than Melvin, all 83 pounds of him, most of it smile.

Read the rest of the article here

5 comments:

  1. Anth, are you saying children these days are chubby sloths with no ambition? And I thought the Wii would solve all of the kids sedentary issues.

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  2. Terrapin: The best part is, when they're done playing their video games, they can just pop in a DVD in the same console. I've heard the argument that the Wii can get you fit, too, but I don't buy it. It's like saying the Burger King Whopper Wrap is healthy for you. It's not. It's just healthier than the Whooper.

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  3. I happen to own a Wii and will give a little latitude that some games do make you move body parts than your thumbs... baby steps toward playing outside and getting a scratch I guess. I'm not sure if they have a game to stop parents from buying pop rather than forcing that bland water down their kids throats. And heaven forbid the parents learning how to use the stove rather than microwave or the drive thru window... oh wait, I did see and ad that the Nintendo DS does have a cooking 'game' that has recipes and 'teaches' cooking! We're saved!

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  4. Certain games on the Wii will definitely help get you some exercise. For example Wii Fit every day is probably just as good a going to an aerobics class.

    But it can't be a kid (or adults) main source of physical activity.

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  5. Terrapin...WHAT? Let my kids play outside? And risk the possibility of them getting struck by lightning or kidnapped?

    You wreckless liberal, you!

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